the blue room

360 degrees...

2008-12-22T21:20:00.001+08:00

where will i start?? man, a lot has happened since my last post..its been more than a year now...so just to bring you guys up to speed..the last time that i posted here i just proposed..now, im 6 months married and my wife is almost 5 months pregnant..talk about double whammy i mean blessing =)

seriously though i never expected that im gonna be in this situation 2 years ago..if i have a time machine and i could travel back in time to tell to my past self that all of this will happen to me..1st i would really laugh my head off and then smack him up for being a smart a**..

i just couldnt believe it would happen to a guy like me..a loner ( a lone wolf for those who want drama) never could i have imagined that i would find someone who i can really share my whole life with..do you know the feeling when youve waited all your life for something to come along that you even prayed hard for it...and out of nowhere *boom* it smacks you right in your face when you least expected it..thats what happened..just like a comet,i know it sounds a bit cheesy but im sure was lucky to have waited,to have looked up the entire time and kept my darn eyes open..

man, cant wait to have my 1st born! im gonna be a hot daddy haha =)

i did it! =)

2007-07-16T17:23:00.001+08:00

"ako ang nagwagi!" -peram muna calc ha =)

yup, i did the inevitable--i went to her parents house last week to ask for their permission and blessing to marry their daughter. what a gut wrenching, tense filled moment it was for me..never thought i would be doing this at this stage in my life..still im having only blurred moments of what transpired that day..lucky i got there without any bruises (just kidding)..couldnt ask for any better future in laws..

one moment lang na nagstick out sa mind ko was when i arrived, i thought im only going to talk with her mom and dad which is expected..pero nagulat ako nung pagdating ko her mom immediately called her brothers to come over..parang nawala lahat ng dugo ko sa katawan nun =) bigla akong na pa public speaking nun ah =P after 2 hours na dinaig pa ang revalida/defense/report at kung ano ano pa dahil sa sobrang nerbyos at ginisa talaga nila ako eh ok na lahat, at least they know that im dead serious of what im planning to do..how much i love their daughter/lil sister..and at the end they all agreed, thats what important..now lies the next important thing, asking her the big question..and here i am asking for your help coz i want this to be perfect..any ideas for the perfect engagement scenario? wish me luck ulit =)

dare to ask??

2007-07-04T16:07:00.000+08:00

"all these years i never knew what love means, i found it, i found you"-bamboo

16 days..that's the time left before my gf's mom will head to the states to go on a vacation..that's also the time left for me to talk to her and ask for her daughter's hand in marriage..yup! you heard me right, im gonna ask my gf the big question...

but wait a minute, am i insane?? I'm gonna ask her parents in about 2 weeks time if i can marry their daughter..is this me?? the wacky,zany, happy go lucky, "bahala na type" self, or its a new persona talking..yes, some of you might think its too early, too fast for me to seek their approval..for me to ask for their permission..we've been only together for at 11 months, and im thinking about the rest of my life already..

no, im not doubtful, shes the one and im sure of it.. she's the one ive been looking for all these years, shes the one that i want to spend the rest of my life and grow old with..its not that im having second thoughts, its just that im taken back by my decision.. its one of those life-changing ones..and honestly i am nervous about it..

siguro, nabigla lang ako..i never thought that i would be in this situation at an early age ( hahaha! in my dreams..) seriously though, if i can go back in time a year ago and tell my past self that this is whats gonna happen, i would tell my future self to get out of here...that he's got to be kidding..right now, im just overwhelmed and blessed..i never thought that i would be this happy..only thought that this stuff only happens in movies or in fairy tales...or if it did, never thought it would happen to me..

see, im a excited and at the same time nervous that im speaking gibberish here hehe...walang sense =) all i know right now is that i gotta do this before her mom leaves..wish me luck people! =) i will need it badly...

*shameless plugging* btw, me and my gf have a clothing business..unfortunately its for the ladies..dresses, tops and all...pls check it out..www.fabmoi.mutiply.com =)

after a year! =)

2007-06-14T23:41:00.000+08:00

IM BACK!

"bum bum bum

happy, im feeling so happy, i wanna be happy

i wanna be happy

cant you see im happy now"-squareheads

i know its been awhile since my last post but i never though it would take me a year to write again..wow! after one year of you could say "sabbatical" from the blogging world..i think its time to share my sometimes wacky and crazy ideas once more..well, here's a quick update on what happened to me last year..

luckily i made it, last time i posted i was hoping to be part of the basic class..after 2 and half months of rigorous training, i made it and after another 6 months of being a "probi" im now a regular employee...and im gonna be working for that company for almost a year now...my job really helped me a lot in terms of "people skills"..it really helped me with my self-esteem and i noticed na hindi na ako ganun ka introvert when it comes to sharing my thoughts..although it really kept me super busy, having a ultra flexbile sked na ang hirap iadjust ang body clock..everyday is a new challenge dealing with different passengers, you have some good days and not so good days all in all its al good..happy happy! joy joY!

(oh and ven: nagdilang anghel ka nga...i never thought i would met her there...i did during training and mag one year na kami...she's the one and im thinking of proposing na =P)

things really change..and a lot of things can happen in a span of one year..from being so down and lonely, right now i feel so blessed..parang everything fell into place..na to the point na i was overwhelmed by all the graces that ive recieved...totoo nga na ang buhay ay parang gulong..minsan nasa baba, minsan nasa taas...sana tumigil na ang kotse para di na ako mapunta sa baba hehe (korny ko noh)

so guys! what happened to all of you during the last year..update naman dian oh =) hope all is well with you...until then...cheers! =)

pressure cookin...

2006-06-17T10:51:00.000+08:00

felt like it over the last couple of weeks..everything was a whirlwind for me..last week was how should i say it, one of the most pressure packed and stressful week.. it sure beats the so called "hell week" in college any day.. but im glad i made it..i passed the interview! now, theres only medical (hopefully i passed that also hahaha =P) and the most funny thing was that i made it all through the stages tapos mukhang sa medical pa ako sasablay because of my pulse rate (it was way off the charts) anyway, hope i made it to the upcoming class that will start to train at the end of the month..

last week was really something.. as i was waiting for the results of the interview, there were swarms of butterflies in my stomach..i cant help but think about the possibilities of me failing and what am i to do next if i did..my future was staring me in the eye.. not just mine but my future family as well..the wait seemed to be like eternity and when they called the names of those who made it..i just wanted to explode there and then..ironic pa nga at 2nd to the last pa ako tinawag.. boy, the pressure..

but it all turned out to be ok in the end.. the other applicant said something that still sticks out in my head..that if its God's will then it will or will not happen..hopefully, ill make it out alive sa training in 3 months time haha =)

torpe in the house =)

2006-05-29T23:02:00.000+08:00

namamatay na ang mga rosas sa tabi

di ka pa rin bumibili

nauubos ang oras sa kahihintay

ngunit ni sulat ni tawag wala - barbie almalbis

yup, thats how its been for the whole of last week..in fact, thats the way it has been for years..why oh why cant i get rid of this shyness..why cant i be a smooth talker..everytime i see someone that i want to talk with theres always this unexplicable feeling..parang you wanted to talk to her and you had your chance pero sa sobrang hiya hindi mo kaya until that person is gone and you end up kulang na lang banging your head in the wall..so heres a plea for help for all the ladies who are reading this.. im not asking for pickup lines but how should a guy approach a girl and start a conversation? do you just go straight up and talk to her? send her a note ala highschool days hehe =) most especially how do you introduce yourself if that person doesnt know you yet..

the reason is that i was able to see this person for 5 days straight..she works as a receptionist in one of the business centers that i had the chance to work..so kahit puyat ako for 5 days, i always looked forward coming to work kahit sobrang aga..i dont know, just by seeing her tapos she always smiles and greets you a goodmorning--nawawala ung pagod and antok (corny noh hehe)she brings cofee inside the boardroom kaya nga kahit hindi ako normally umiinom eh napapainom ako..i only knew her 1st name and i tried to get to talk to her and know her better pero hindi nangyari--its either everytime i passed by her station, she's busy or pag wala naman syang ginagawa ako naman ung nagmamadali at may dapat na itakbo..ayun i didnt get to know her,i guess ill chalk this one up dun sa what might have been list..haay, buhay nga naman =)

ASA! (sorta like that)

i was privileged to get to work in the 1st Philippine badminton open that was held just recently. i got to work as a liason officer for one of the teams that competed...and all i can say is that it was a great experience..you get to talk with all this foreign people..frankly, im not a badminton enthusiast-heck i didnt even knew the rules before..but seeing this guys play, wow! it made me appreciate the sport more..lalo na at may mga top class players na naglaro...of course, i also got the chance to see our own team in action..the whole job was tiring and pressure packed because its clockwork and halos 24 oras kang gising..pero it was well worth it..will post some pics of it soon or sa friendster na lang..now all that is left is that i passed the final interview for my dream job and after that im all set..so wish me guys luck..

so that ends my summer for 2006 =P

walang labis, walang kulang....

2006-05-18T15:35:00.000+08:00

well, im back..my minds still twisted after all and here i am once again with my crazy pondering..hope this continues though =)

i just realized that life is everything in between...that all the things should come in moderation..we laugh and yet there are times we cry..we feel joy and yet there are times we want to kill ourselves because of the pain..we like to blend in crowds but there are times also that we want to be alone by ourselves..siguro totoo nga ung kasabihan na masama ang kulang pero masama din kapag sobra..that everything should be done in moderation..may balance kumbaga...you cant be goody goody all the time or else some people will try to shove you around because of your goodiness..sometimes we have to become just short of a devil just so that we can fight for our rights and principles..ni ultimo vitamins and pagkain di ba, dapat balanse lang..sometimes i think (not to offend any religion/anyone, i have my faith) na living here on earth is better than heaven or in hell..because here you get to experience both..

the problem is finding that balance..we sometimes find it hard to balance things or know when to have enough or when to have more..knowing when to be contented (but i guess man can never be contented)

so there, its just one of those "wala lang, naisip ko lang" moments...

PROUD 2 b PINOY!

kudos to the mountaineers who recently climbed Mt. Everest..another achievement that makes us proud to be pinoy..now with all the problems that our beloved country is currently facing- oil prices hikes, the never ending cha-cha/impeachment debate, poverty and all, its nice to hear some good news for a change..As former DOTC sec. Art Valdez said when we put our minds into something and we work as a unit, nothing is impossible..that the Filipino can..So heres hoping that everyone would finally work as one and climb our country's Everest..

bits: finally, the da vinci code movie is here! cant wait to see it..glad that the MTRCB gave the green light for it to be shown..as always with the novel adaptation, its interesting to see how loyal the movie is to the book..if its either a thumbs up or a disappointment remains to be seen..

temporarily closed...

2006-04-30T17:17:00.000+08:00

cant find anything to update/post about..seems like ive ran out of crazy ideas na..i think my mind's not twisted anymore..not much has happened during the long interval..aside from the beach outing with my buddies and the now concluded youth sportsfest in my old village (which i volunteered to help organize) not much had really happened..so, until i have the energy to write again..until then, i guess i have to close this blog for awhile..hopefully, it wont be too long...see you guys around =)

at sana naman...

2006-02-27T01:02:00.000+08:00

im sure everyones talking about this right now..no doubt everyones thinking about the things that have happened these past few days..everyones waiting with anxiety and paranoia what will happen next..and im sure everyone has their 2 cents worth on the subject..so if you guys dont mind heres mine..ill write (rather post) here whatever pops in my head as we move along..

inang bayan,

kamusta ka na? sana nasa mabuti kang kalagayan..sana hindi ka nahihirapan..naririnig ko kasi ang mga balita tungkol sa iyo, at mukhang hindi magaganda ang mga nababalitaan ko..bakit ganito ang nangyayari sa iyo?? habang tumatagal eh mukhang lumalala ang kalagayan mo..alam ko, wala akong karapatan na magsalita at wala naman akong magandang naidudulot sa iyo..sa ngayon kararampot pa lang ang masasabi kong naging aking kontribusyon..hindi man ako nakakatulong sa iyong ekonomiya sa ngayon eh masasabi ko sa iyo na kahit papano naman eh kahit ganito lang ako di naman ako gumagawa ng kahit anong hakbangin para maging pabigat sa iyo..

ngunit bakit may iilan na wala na atang hinangad kundi pahirapan ka..eto sila, nagsasabi na para rin sa iyo ang ginagawa nila pero hindi ba nila nakikita na mas nakasasama ang mga aksyon na pinapatupad nila..wala akong kinakampihan--administrasyon man o oposisyon..pero bakit ganun, para daw sa ikauunlad at sa kinabukasan mo daw lahat ng "sakripisyong" ginagawa at gagawin nila..pero hindi ba nila nakikita na dahil sa hidwaan eh malamang wala na tayong dadatnan na kinabukasan..

ano kaya noh, kung gawin na lang natin silang lahat na presidente?? tutal, lahat sila gusto ng kapangyarihan...tapos hayaan natin silang magdebate na magdebate magdamag..hmmm, pwede rin na gawin nating ala pinoy big brother house ang malacañang palace para masaya di ba..

madami pa sana akong gustong sabihin sa iyo inang bayan..pero hindi ko mailapat sa salita...nakakalungkot lang isipin ang nangyayari sa iyo ngayon..naalala ko dati, sa gitna ng lahat ng mga kaganapan eh nangako ako sa iyo na kahit anong mangyari eh hindi ako lilisan..magkahirapan na at lahat pero hindi kita iiwanan..sa mga nangyayari ngayon mukhang kakainin ko ung mga sinabi ko..sana naman hindi..

alam ko may pag-asa pa..hindi ka nagiisa at alam mo yun..marami pa rin ang nagmamahal sa iyo..marami pa rin ang umaasa na balang araw eh giginhawa rin tayo..sana hindi sila mawalan ng pagasa..at sana ikaw rin..sana magising na ang lahat ng tao at magkasundo sundo..tutal iisa lang din naman ang gusto ng lahat eh at yan ang magkaroon ng maginhawang at mapayapang buhay..sa piling mo

nakakatawa lang isipin noh..dalawampung taon na ang nakalipas nung humanga sa atin ang buong mundo sa ating ginawa..kahit hindi man ako nakasama dun sa pagkilos na yun, isa yun sa mga bagay na masasabi ko dati na kaya kong maipagmalaki na pinoy ako..ngayon sa pagbabalik tanaw..kaliwat kanan ang opinyon..may mga nagsasabi na wala ding nangyari, may mga nagsabi naman na may pagbabago..pero kung anuman yon, yung nangyari nung isang araw, eh parang hindi ko na sya kayang ipagmalaki...

in the meantim..e

2006-02-19T17:56:00.000+08:00

its been awhile..seems that i just have ran out of anything to write..well, anything interesting to write about..so while im sorting out all these jumbled thoughts in my head (could take a bit longer though) ill just post this..

I- 6 cycle mind

ay,wag naman
alisin ang nag-iisang panaginip
na ika'y magbabalik
nagsasamang masaya
at walang pagkukulang

at ngayong wala ka na
hindi alam kung san magsisimula
ang ngayon,bukas,kailanman
nagiba
wala bang bukas...

ay,bahala na
ang tanging narinig
wala ka bang ibang masabi
wag ka ng magalala
iniintindi ko
ang lungkot na ginawa mo

at ngayong wala ka na
hindi alam kung san magsisimula
ang ngayon,bukas,kailanman
nagiba
wala bang bukas..

paulit ulit mananaginip
pagising ko'y wala pa rin
hindi maamin, ilang dalangin
wala na, wala ka
wala na..

one word-->ouch! hehe =p

maling akala..

2006-01-17T18:18:00.000+08:00

"maliit na butas, lumalaki konting gusot,dumadami"- eraserheads

thats what i found out just recently..have you experienced knowing something for so long and it turns out to be a dud..that you all those years you believed in something that doesnt exist?? (and no im not talking about santa claus nor the tooth fairy hehe) i misinterpreted things differently pala, it turns out na nothing happened..that all the sweetness, the thoughfulness, the talks were all for naught--that it was just "plain conversation".. that all those years it was just a one way street--that the feeling was shared only by one person--it was never reciprocated..it all made perfect sense to me now..now, all my questions and longtime doubts are finally answered..now, i can move on =) thanks for clearing things up.. so looking back at the year that had just ended (yup, my pc was broken for the nth time, thats why the late update) i must say that it was a pretty good year personally..so without further ado--heres my own countdown for the year 2005...

#5--> THE MUSIC..this year was a really good one especially for the local music scene and being a radiohead, im so happy of the improvement ..now, we got like so many good bands..its perfectly safe to say that the band scence is alive and kicking once more..(bro chigs--kelan ba ung banda nyo??=P)

#4--> the year that ive experienced working..i mean my 1st job..although its kinda sad that things didnt turned out for the best..ive picked up a few things while working there..it was really a whole new world out there and im excited to get back in..this time im hoping to land my dream job..

#3--> the places..this year i got to go to places that i havent been before..and i think all the trips that i took this year even exceed all the trips that i took for like the last 10 years..hopefully, this year i get to more places and meet new people..

#2--> the year was like a really huge rollercoaster ride for me in terms of emotionally..from getting to meet new cool people to a very near serious realtionship up to finally getting the answers to move on..

#1--> simply by just being alive..one year has passed with me still breathing..no freak accidents..no colds or sickness..it was a perfectly healthy year for me..im really thankful.. well, that sums up my year..hopefully, 2006 would be bigger and better not just for me but for all of us =)

para sa iyo..

2005-12-01T15:05:00.000+08:00

Isang pagbabalik tanaw...

habang binabasa ko yung mga naisulat ko dati (ang galing nakarami na rin pala ako--mga ideyas na galing sa utak kong baliko =P) nabantid sa aking isipan na halos puro pala tungkol sa pagibig ang nilalaman nito.naisip ko tuloy na bakit di ko na lang baguhin ang titulo ng blog kong ito..Love doctor?? wala naman ako masyadong alam at ni ultimo sarili kong problema di ko masolusyunan..love sick patient kaya?? hindi naman ako parating may sakit sa pagibig eh..wala lang, naisip ko lang na since nandito na, hindi na siguro makakasakit kung magsulat pa ako ulit ng isa tungkol dun..

siguro lahat naman sa atin ay nagmahal na (taas ang kamay ng hindi pa hehe =P).. siguro lahat naman sa atin ay nasaktan na din ng dahil sa pagmamahal na iyon ( pakiitaas lalo ang kamay ng hindi pa).. akala natin na ok na--na ayos na..tapos biglang sa isang kisapmata nawala ang lahat..naglaho ng di mo alam..perO bakit ang hirap kalimutan..

para sa iyo..

kung nasan ka man..itatanong ko lang sa iyo kung bakit?? bakit ganun?? iniwan mo akong nagiisa..alam ko matagal na panahon na nangyari un ngunit bakit hanggang ngayon ay may sakit pa rin akong nararamdaman..sa ginawa mo sa akin..dapat nga galit ako sa iyo ngunit bakit di ko magawang magalit..may mga panahon na wala akong pakialam sa iyo ngunit bakit hindi kita makalimutan ng tuluyan--walang araw na dumaan na hindi kita naiisip..dahil ba sa pinagsamahan?? sa mga masayang alaala?? hindi ko alam..V

bakit?? sobrang dami ng tanong na gusto ka sanang sagutin mo..mabigyan sana ng kalinawan..ilang beses ko na tinanong sa iyo at di mo rin alam ang dahilan..kung ganun bakit hindi ako makausad?? ilang bEses ko na sinasabi sa sarili ko na wala ng pag-asa na maging tayo..na maligaya ka na sa piling nya..at sabihan na nila akong tanga pero sa akin basta maligaya ka ok na sa akin--kahit nasasaktan ako..unconditional love ba ito o sadyang katangahan--siguro

aargh! sobrang hirap..maY ilang beses na din na naisip ko na sana hindi na lang kita nakilala..na sana di na lang nagtagpO ang landas natin..di sana di ako nahihirapan..

kung sabagay, di ko naman talaga naisip na pwede pala..na posible pala na ang isang taong kagaya ko eh ay pUede para sa iyo..kahit sa panaginip di ko naisip na mangyayayri yun..lahat tuloY na makilala ko eh di ko maiwasang di paghambingin sa iyo..ikaw pa rin..ilang taon na ba?? mahigit sa 10 taon na tayong magkakilala--sa loob ng panahon na un parang yo-yo at trumpo ang nararamdaman ko para Sa iyo--taas baba at paikot ikot..mukhang habang buhay ko na ata dadalhin ito..madami pa sana akong gustong sabihin ngunit di ko kayang isulat--alam mo naman na di ako magaling magsulat di ba..pero sabi ko nga nandito lang ako kung may problema ka o kapag kailangan mo lang ng kausap--isang sandalan..

bakit hanggang ngayon Mahal pa rin kita??

sana isang araw magising na lang ako at mAwala ang lahat ng ito..

-->>mukhang mas maganda ngang pangalan ang love sick patient hehe =)

nothing to write about..

2005-11-28T15:28:00.000+08:00

basically thats my dilemma these days..dont have anytihng interesting to write about right now..the drafts that i used to write were either obsolete or ive lost interest in...so here i am--trying to update when there is nothing to update..so ill just write the ideas that pops in my head..

yehey! the SEA games is finally here..went to marikina to watch our women's football team and all i can say is that they rock!--> 2 more wins and we're in contention for the gold..not to mention the fact that some of them are pretty and of course some people in the audience..(para sa bayan 'to kaya kami nanonood--yeah right =P)

still waiting for the results of my application..just submitted it recently..medyo nababagot na ako doing nothing..finally decided that its time to go back to work (may sakit ata ako thinking of what i just said)

christmas is getting near..and yet i still dont feel a tinge of excitement..is it because im getting old?? getting cold perhaps?? guess illl just have to wait and see..

why does it that everytime you see someone who was so dear to you in the past..you get that strange feeling..and the most funny thing about it is that they seem to look better--you cant help but think that fate seems to be mocking you right in your face..

you get to run out of things to talk with pala when youre talking with someone almost everyday..you get to run out of stories din pala..kulang na lang sabihin mo na nadapa ako today or gutom na ako just to keep the conversation going..anlabo

cant upload any pictures..badtrip

im a total wreck..cant even think straight these days..so there, instead of hearing me whine..i guess ill just end my post here..

momentarily...

2005-10-04T16:37:00.000+08:00

again thanks acey for the tag =) well, its nice to be back..i must say that was one heck of a trip..so while the pics are still uploading--im gonna do this tag (sorry for the delay ms.ace) =P

where were you like...

today..

well, today wasnt so great..kinda boring really..to tell you guys the truth since i got here--i found myself with nothing else to do..i still have my job (which right now i dont want to go back anymore) i realized how ironic life can be..there i was a couple of months ago complaining that i dont have time to do anything for myself and now here i am, still complaining that now i have lots of time of doing practically nothing..

last night..

hmm..basically having nothing to do means there was a lot of time for me to think about lots of things..about what to do with my life..and the relationships that i have with my family and friends--and of course her..im still trying to figure out about where i stand with her..she's just too complicated i guess..or is it me..
and i had a chat with a friend that i havent heard from quite sometime now..and it was nice knowing that shes doing ok..

yesterday..

as you might have known..was another boring day..i was a couch potato--watching dvd's and hearing all types of tunes all day..have you guys experienced the feeling that you want to do lots of things but you simply just cant.. maybe because you just dont have the resources to do it or youre just plain lazy to do it..thats what i felt yesterday..

this year..

as much as i wanted to say ive changed..i think i didnt..im still the same ol' wacky and zany guy whos quiet on the outside..right now i can say that im in this transition phase in my life..the stage where i start to plan about not just my future but for my future family as well (heck, i dont even have a gf right now, why am i doing this =P) honestly, a lot has been going on my mind lately..questions like "what am to do with my life right now" and "what do i want to do" keeps nagging me all year..not to mention ocassionally asking the most used up question about your life's purpose..di ko alam, nasobrahan lang ata ako sa oras para makapagisip--na kung ano ano na ung naiisip ko..

last year..

mas madali siguro..coz last year i was still in school..life's kinda simpler back then..less stuff to think about..

4 years ago..

mas simple than last year =) i was on top of the world..everything was doing well for me..then because of my being too noble or too plain stupid--all of those things just went away..that was the time that i can say was my chance to be really happy..and now its gone

6 years ago..

if someone told me back then what would be my life right now..i would never believe him/her..i would just laugh at that person and think it was all a joke..coz i would never thought that the best things would happen to a person like me..i mean 6 years ago, someone was just a dream for me..i never thought that i would have a chance to be with that person..and how i blew it for being just too damn good..nice guys do finish last..

10 years ago..

there i was, a boy who just saw an angel..man, i was so naive..i was living in a dream world..where the just ideals and beliefs do exist..where i wasnt aware about the harsh realities in life..i was living in a utopian world..boy, was i in for a rude awakening few years later..

16 years ago..

nakakatawang isipin noh, pero if you would recall your childhood you will recall detailed memories only when you were 5-6 years old..yung tamang dun ka lang "nagkamalay" hmm..i wanted to become a priest..or a jeepney driver =)
just wanted to drive all day back then..of course i also thought about what will i become when i grow up..and right now, im still clueless..

20 years ago...

as much as i want to remember--i cant...only a handful of pictures..

im coming home...

2005-09-23T06:19:00.000+08:00

"i walked the streets of san francisco
ive tried the rides in disneyland
met a million girls in sydney
somehow i feel like i dont belong"- manila, rj jacinto

3 more days to go..so excited to come home.. dont get me wrong, sure it was a great vacation..being in the land of the free really showed me a lot..here at least you have a shot of getting what you wanted--living the life =) the food servings here is amazing--i mean huge (ang sarap mag food trip dito hehe) the people here are extremely friendly, you can actually start a conversation with a complete stranger and leave like you made a new friend..but of course every place has a downside..nakakatakot ang downtown pag gabi..there are loudmouths, drunk people bugging you and even crazy people on the streets talking to themselves..i was wondering, wouldnt it be nice if you take all the postivive traits of all the cultures/nationalities and put it all together.. what a wondeful place it would be for all of us..kasi dito extremes ang tao--its either sobrang friendly sila or sobrang annoying to the point that na kinukulit ka na nila at nakikialam..di kagaya sa atin, na walang kibo at tahimik ang mga tao pero di sila nakakasagasa ng ibang tao..

nakakalungkot ding isipin na yung ibang kababayan natin dito ay mababa na ang tingin sa sarili nilang bayan..parang nagpapasalamat sila na wala na sila doon..at wala ng pakialam sa lupang sinilangan..nakakahinayang =(

naisip ko din na kung dito na lang kaya ako...tutal, totoo nga at maganda ang buhay dito..ngunit malungkot kapag magisa ka lang..MARAMI AKONG MAMIMISS kung magpaiwan ako--hindi ko ata kaya un..kaya nga mas lalong ako napabilib sa mga kababayan natin na kumakayod dito upang mabigyan ng magandang kinabukasan ang mga pamilya nila sa atin..

all in all, iba pa rin ang manila..di ko pa rin ipagpapalit =p

"take me back in your arms, manila

and promise me you'll never let go"

pagpasensyahan nyo kung medyo sabog at may kalabuan ang pagsulat ko..medyo madami kasing nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon na sobrang bilis plus nasa time pressure ako at medyo di ako pwede makapagonline ng matagal..ill post the pics when i get back..as for the "exciting thing" promise ill post it next time..i cant seem to find the words right now--kulang ata ang lahat ng words sa dictionary to describe what im feeling right now..but i do know that things can happen so quickly..one moment life can be so lonely and all of a sudden its not..if you guys know what i mean =)

postscript: maraming salamat sa lahat ng bumati..thanks for tagging me acey..promise,kasama sa next post ko ung sagot ko..grabe, miss ko na BLOGGING! =)

only lonely on the inside...

2005-08-21T18:49:00.000+08:00

"hello again", the words that made me smile
as i drift away in my little room upstairs
oh ive spend my nights, imagining your face, your touch
then i realize how i dont even know your name.."-hootie and the blowfish

*WARNING: its a very long and revealing post so please bear with this writer..

hey, its been awhile. so much stuff (or so i thought) has happened to me in a short period of time. for starters, i started working na for 2 months. the workload gets me most of the time (parati na lang OT) but the people there are cool. plus i get to go places (w/c is one of the reasons why i took it) but honestly, these days i feel like im a drone or something. its like im a walking zombie--with no emotions, just programmed to do the job..i dont even have the time to do "nothing"...to just sulk around and relax..thats why im quitting (i told you a lot has happened =P) its just that i dont enjoy my work anymore.. (well, i might raise some eyebrows--but its not the reason why i write as of this moment..so maybe ill tell you why some other time)

the reason why i post is that as you see, i never felt so LONELY in my life..i never felt so alone.. i know that all of us have experienced it.. but you see, i never really had given it so much thought up until now.. all this time, i downplayed that notion...that i keep saying to myself "its fun being single".. that not being tied to a commitment has its own shares of benefits...but these past few months really got me thinking..obviously im not happy anymore--and the funny thing is FATE seems to be mocking me right in my face... everywhere i go, may it be in the office, walking down the street or riding a shuttle--it seems like all the people around me are in pairs.. and as much as i try to look the other way--it cant be helped..seems like all the people around me is in love..just like the train in that close up commercial but the only thing is, theres no one there to share the same sentiment that i have..

i know it might sound akward and some of you guys might laugh..but the truth is i never had a girlfriend (ok ok..quit laughing =P) i know i sound like a loser but honestly thats the truth.. of course i had my own share of near hits (or should i say near misses) but i really dont know why nothing came through..maybe its because im afraid to get hurt or something..na masyado lang akong sigurista..you see ive been hurt before and i can tell you that it hurts like hell.. it even stings sometimes..so nagkaroon na ata ako ng trauma of falling in love..and another thing, maybe because i try to enivision myself living in a utopian world..of course, im still a pessimist---but when it comes to the matters of the heart..ill be the 1st one to admit--that im a hopless romantic..im still a sucker when it comes to "and they live happily ever after"..

i dont know why, but i always dream of finding the one (dont we all) that it comes to the point that i dont care if i will only have one girlfriend in my life as long as she turns out to be "the one"--the girl that i will spend my rest of my life with..siguro thats the reason why im so afraid to commit because at the back of my mind theres still doubt..and i cant bring myself of hurting someone just because i made an honest mistake..parang di ko kayang isipin na trial and error pagdating sa mga ganyang bagay (before you guys react..ive taught of the things some of you might say already--that everythings a gamble; even love..that youll never know until you try.. youll never know if your theories are true not until you apply them) believe me i thought of that before, pero wala na talaga akong magagawa..i guess its my nature and i cant change that..

ive already been thru both sides of the coin--frantically looking for her and being active with going out and stuff to playing the waiting game.. sad to say up to now, nothing have worked out..ive made a fool of myself--getting rejected a couple of times before and on the other side ive gotten tired of waiting..until the next episode plays out, i guess i just have to hold my breath and see

well, mukhang gumana na naman ang aking twisted way of thinking.. but then again maybe its just me =)

song of the moment..

heaven help--lenny kravitz

There comes a time to be free of the heart
I wanna be ready, ready to start
On a love journey, got places to go
Made up my mind and I have got to let you know

Heaven help the heart that lets me inside
Heaven help the one who comes in my life
Heaven help the fool that walks through my door
'Cause I decided right now
I'm ready for love

A funny feeling's coming over me
Now I'm inspired and open to being
In a love place but it's out of my hands
I'm telling you baby that you got to understand

Heaven help the heart that lets me inside
Heaven help the one who comes in my life
Heaven help the fool that walks through my door
'Cause I decided right now
I'm ready for love

I can't see what's out there for me
And I know love offers no guarantees
I'll take a chance and I'm telling you something babe
I got to let you know

Heaven help the heart that lets me inside
Heaven help the one who comes in my life
Heaven help the fool that walks through my door
'Cause I decided right now
I'm ready for love, ready for love
Take a chance, take the chance on love..

one shot...

2005-06-25T19:04:00.000+08:00

"Look, if you have one shot..one oppurtunity...to seize everything you ever wanted..one moment..would you capture it or just let it slip?"

-lose yourself (eminem)

one chance-->that one moment in your life that you really wish it would happen. youve wanted it so bad that you even pray for it every night-- just asking for that oppurtunity to unfold right before your very eyes-->wishing on every star you see<---you tend to think about it so much, that you even try to picture the perfect scenario in your dreams and in your daydreams--the perfect backdrop..trying to even practice the lines that youre going to say--like memorizing your part in a play; and you got it worse that you even anticipate how will that person react and say..you tend to spend your time alone having a dialogue with no one..or in the case of you waiting for something to happen-- you keep thinking of how will you react and handle the situation when it arrives..and after quite sometime you feel that your ready, that now youre just waiting for that moment to arrive... youve waited so long for it to happen...and one day it finally came

but what if that one chance suddenly took you by surprise--it came when you really least expected it...that you were really caught off-guard..para kang nagkaroon ng pop quiz na wala ka pa sa question # 1 eh alam mo na kaagad na wala ka nang kapagapagaasang pumasa..and suddenly you find yourself cramming...

"his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy..."

and no matter yow hard you try to calm yourself down, you just could not..it seems that your jumpy all of a sudden...your insides tearing you apart..your mind's going on overdrive-- asking a barrage of questions like what to do or what to say..

asking more questions...having doubts..

then amidst all the confusion; you realized that the window of oppurtunity is closing..but at the same time you feel helpless to do anything about it.. na pinagunahan ka ng kaba---"dinaga" kumbaga..and you just cant help but let it slip away..

then comes the feeling of regret..you find yourself asking a lot of what ifs, what might have beens..and you come to the point that you start hating yourself for being such a coward..telling yourself that you wont commit the same mistake, that it wont happen again...

and then it came to you that it wont really happen again--for you only have one shot at it--and you blew it...

*These so called "one-shot" situations varies on the person..it may come as a oppurtunity for a career advancement or about matters of the heart..but whatever it is the question is: will you capture it or just let it slip?? and if that chance comes; are you ready for it??

kung sinong mahal mo....

2005-06-03T20:05:00.000+08:00

"syang ayaw sa iyo-smokey mountain"

as the line goes--bakit ganun ang mundo? why do sometimes the people you like err.. love dont feel the same way? like they like or are in love with someone else..that no matter what you do or how hard you try--that person wont notice you or if they do..its not gonna be the answer that youve been hoping to hear..that basically that person would never see you in the same light with the person he/she likes..simply put--youre never gonna be enough..siguro mahirap talagang maghanap ng tao na mahal mo at mamahalin ka..coz theres always gonna be someone else..someone better than you..and come to think of it..i guess its a never ending cycle--you liking someone that likes someone that likes someone who likes you (hope i made sense =P)

ill try to play a lil devils advocate here pero di ba theres a low probability na mangyari na you like someone and that person instantly likes you back--kung ganun eh wala rin palang silbi ung pagkakaroon ng crush/prospect/iniirog/sinta--whatever you call it kasi malabo rin pala na youll end up with the person youve been dreaming/dying to be with..i mean youre not gonna be #1 on someones list overnight..halos lahat naman ay dumadaan sa "proving" stage--with hardwork,perseverance (or kakulitan) and determination..youll be able to win the heart of that person..which leads me to my next question : hindi kaya we're just teaching our hearts to love? that we dont really like that person or that we never even notice them in the 1st place? but due to unforeseen events or forces of nature (with a little help of that person's persistence) that we finally learn to love that person back..but of course it doesnt mean sa lahat nangyayari ito--i mean sabi nga ni calc "theres always an exception to the rule" if there is---answerte naman nila--wont you agree??

my brother-in-law once told me "dont bother with the specifics"--dont get into details much..dont expect a lot--dont set your standards too high and if you can dont set them at all..coz you have a great chance of getting the exact opposite (just kiddin--love ya sis!=P) but really, kadalasan we end up with people that we never expected to be with..people that not even in our wildest dreams--imagined that we will share a moment in our lives..ung mga tamang we dont realize that the person we're looking for is right there staring at our faces..

siguro sadyang masaya at sadyang magulo lang talaga ang pagibig..=) o di kaya ako ung magulo??

random ??: alam ko gasgas na gasgas na tong tanong na to pero for questions sake; id like to ask the age old question--sinong pipiliin mo--ung mahal mo o ung mahal ka??

baliw...

guys, i was wondering if you can help me out here..(if you read my friendster profile you know what im talking about)you see, theres this girl i see every sunday and i wanted to talk to her for so long but i cant--coz shes always with her family and i just dont have enought guts to approach her and introduce myself--she doesnt have a clue who i am--so its gonna be a bit difficult..so i was wondering if you guys can tell me what to do..would really appreciate it..thanks =)

song for the moment

baliw
true faith

'wag kang tumawag
at 'wag na 'wag na 'wag kang lumapit
baka akoy muling mapaakit
sa iyo...

'wag kang ngumiti
at 'wag na 'wag na 'wag kang magpakabait
baka akoy muling mapaibig sa iyo...

akoy nababaliw
ikay nakakaaliw
akoy nababalaliw
akoy nababaliw...

'wag kang tumawa
at 'wag na 'wag na 'wag kang umawit
baka akoy muling mapalapit sa iyo..

sana'y ika'y masungit
asal ay napakapangit
upang hindi ako mapaibig
muli..

finally, tapos na rin pala ung ojt ko..going to take a break lang siguro for 2 weeks then ill go jobhunting na..so hows everyone summer went? (buti pa kayo..sniff sniif) hope all of you had a blast =)

-couldnt think of a title for this blog entry...

2005-05-14T17:03:00.000+08:00

so here i am once again, staring at an empty screen... couldnt think of anything to write..hmm, something must be really wrong with my head..coz these lapses keeps occuring frequently--couldnt think of a single thing..mga tamang you end up staring on a blank wall...i really must be going crazy..

anyway, regarding my last post..some of you may have thought that i had a dilemma..i dont.. well except for minor things siguro-- but the reason i wrote about it is that i was just curious on why people act like that when they have problems--gumana lang ung utak kong baliko..thanks for your concern though =)

rockstar wannabe...

got to listen to hale's debut album and all i can say is that they're damn good..with the emergence of fresh "band" talent--its safe to say that the opm scene is alive and kicking once again especially the "band" scene..(*chigs--kelan ko kasi maririnig ung banda mo hehe) with it, gumana na naman ung wishful thinking ko..you see, i always wanted to be a part of a band.. the thing is that i really cant play any instrument...hmm eh kung vocalist na lang kaya-- *hithit ng hangin* FRONTMAN??--(i know, i know--im daydreaming again--para kasing may boses hehe).. wala lang, ang sarap siguro ng feeling na youre performing onstage and you get all those people banging their heads and jumping of their seats..i guess i just have to put that thought in the corner of my mind and keep on dreamin..

random ??: whats your dream profession?? that if you had your way or if you have the power to change --it will be who you are..the thing in the back of your mind that you want to secretly become?? in my case, aside from being a band member maybe a pro ball player...whats yours??

dangerously in love...

was lucky enough to watch starwars epi 3 (dont worry i wont give spoilers)the thing is, ive realized that when a person is so much madly in love--that person would do almost anything just for the person he/she loves..that the lines between what is right and not becomes blurred..just remembered what chancellor palpatine said "whats good is just a matter of perception" sorta like that--cant remember the exact line..come to think of it--i guess theres no feeling more powerful than love..coz love can also lead to hate, anger and obsession..and yet its one of the most fantastic thing/feeling one can experience--kinda strange isnt it??

as ive said earlier been listening to the hale's album and this song hit me..i guess its one of those songs that i can relate--mga tamang "i could have written it" again, kudos to them..

broken sonnet
by hale

and now i concede on the night of the fifteenth song
of melancholy, of melancholy
and now i will admit in this fourth line
that i love you, that i love you
i dont care what they say
i dont care what they do
coz tonight i leave my fears behind
coz tonight ill be right at your side
the clock on the tv says 8:39 pm
its the same, its the same
and in this next line, ill say it all over again
that i love you, that i love you
lie down right next to me
and i will never let you go

but still i see tears from your eyes
maybe im just not the one for you....

*lets do the funk, lets do the 1st day funk--oops, wrong song =) have a great week ahead...

madaling sabihin ngunit mahirap gawin....

2005-05-01T01:38:00.000+08:00

*bago nyo basahin ay humihingi na ako ng agad na paumanhin at tinamaan na naman ako ng kabaliwan...*

bakit ganun? bakit may mga bagay sa mundo na hindi mo maintindihan? na hindi mo maunawaan? o mabigyan man ng kasagutan? bakit paminsan malabo ang tao? halimbawa, kapaga ang ibang tao ay may problema, madalas nating sabihin sa kanila na "kaya mo yan", "lilipas din yan" at "wala yan"..pinapayuhan natin sila na may pag-asa pa.. ngunit bakit kapag tayo na ang may problema, eh ayaw nating makinig at maniwala sa parehas na payo..

paminsan sa sobrang bigat ng problema ay pakiramdam natin na wala ng pagasa...na wala ng solusyon--na di ka makakalusot o di mo malalampasan ang iyong suliranin.. pero nakakatawang isipin na sa likod ng utak mo ay alam mo na marami ka na ring napagdaanan na pagsubok; mga pagsubok na sa tingin mo ay mas mabigat pa kaysa sa kasalukuyan mong pinapasan..o di kaya maisip mo na may mga tao na may mas mabibigat na problema kaysa sa iyo--na wala pa sa kalingkingan ang problema mo kumpara sa kanilia..

pero bakit pagkatapos mong isipin ang lahat ng yan eh doon pa rin ang bagsak mo---na mahirap pa rin ang problema mo...hindi ba't parang hindi na rin tayo naniniwala sa ating mga pinaniniwalaan..na paminsan ay hindi maiiwasan na tayo ay maging mga hypokrito sa mismong sarili natin..

siguro likas na sa tao ang maging ganun...marami sigurong dahilan kung bakit..at mukhang kukulungin ang entry kong ito kung iisa isahin pa natin..

wala lang...naisip ko lang----"anlabo ko noh" =P...

judging a book...

2005-04-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

--man, what a way to have a "bloggers block"..still cant think of something interesting

*pardon me---rant mode on*

i know its so cliche but i cant help to ask myself why are there people who judge you with just the way you look..they take one look at you and right then and there youve been judged.. that no matter how hard you try to make contact with them..its no use--they've already put up some invisible barrier that you cant get through..some are even "nicer"--they will let you talk like a line or 2 but when they start questions like where do you live or what school youre from which i admit mine isnt that good--you suddenly get the reaction that youre one dumb person--its like youre being discriminated because of it.. its kinda disappointing..you see it on their faces when they got their answer--their smiles turn into "oh's" and the next minute you know theyre like "nice to meet you" and brush you off--..i dont want to sound like a cry baby and whine about it but i dont know it just hits me right there..hey,no worries! im already used to that type of reaction (or should i say rejection)..its just sad to think that you like to make friends with someone and they turn you down because of that--because they think youre no good =(

if only those people knew...hate to admit but i used to be like that before--a very judgemental person..but having to experience it being on the other side made me realize how stupid i was...some of the interesting people i know dont have the looks to be on a glossy magazine nor do they have a superior IQ..but when you talk to them--hearing all their stories, experiences and the life's knowledge that they have--you really get to learn a lot..much more than having to listen to a seminar or talking to someone who claims to be "intelligent".. so the next time you meet someone--give that person a chance--dont judge quickly--who knows maybe he/she is much more a better person than you are..

*rant mode off*

ojt update

so far, after 10 days of on- the- job training (85 hours down 215 to go) ive discovered a thing or two when it comes to interacting with lots of people..being lucky to work at the hrd and at the recruitment division at that..it had helped me lot in dealing with my shyness and had gained some confidence in communicating with others..its fun and at the same time it drives me nuts--but im loving it..

btw most of the people i work with are pscyh major and man, they really can get crazy sometimes (sometimes i think that they're the ones that needs help--i know i know im getting judgemental once again =P)--but after quite awhile--i cant blame them..the stuff they do for a living can really drive someone insane..have a great week everyone..hope all of you are having a blast this summer...

random ?..
(thank you mr.kong for the short story)

"there were two men thrown into a dungeon..both of them looked up--one saw the BARS while the other one saw the STARS"...which of them are you??

jumbled thoughts...

2005-03-27T22:09:00.000+08:00

*one of the lighter posts...honestly my minds not working lately...lots of things mixed up in my head..*

"shop till you drop--literally!"

first of all: i dont want to put up a fight with the ladies..so no violent reactions please =) i just find it odd and fascinating why women spend HOURS to shop..that the whole day isnt enough when they go out..well, im not talking in general here...but most of the ladies i know tend to do that..its like when they go out--they are like energizer bunnies---that keeps on going and going and going--walking for like i feel miles and miles--maybe its because they just love it..personally, im more of a quick shopper..i do my homework when i need some stuff and just go out there and buy it--of course it cant be helped that you look at other things but its kept to a bare minimum.. as much as possible---"no sidetrips" as i always say..im really not into malling so to speak or shopping for that matter--even i hate it when im thinking of going to spend the whole day buying stuff even for myself..i guess i just dont like crowded places (guess im a bit of a anti-social huh)..but the ladies i know, they would spend the whole day looking at other stuff that they even forget to buy what they were set to buy in the 1st place =P that coming from a guy who has 2 sisters plus my mom..honestly, i cant keep up with them..shopping with them is like one of my worst nightmares (maybe its from the dreaded exhaustion of driving for them and having to carry loads of stuff)..but hey no complaints for now--as long as im not with them when that happens--when they are in their "shop modes" hehe..

but of course maybe im just saying that--of course when i see a someone at her best..it makes me understand more the hours she spent looking for the perfect outfit..i realize that its not easy to impress someone..so the next time i go out with someone--ill remember the time and effort spent and appreciate it even more..

holy week....

well, how was everyones week went? hope it was ok..spent the whole week in a beach in batangas--it was the 1st time that my family went out from doing the traditional stuff (bisita iglesia,alay-lakad etc) and seeing how beautiful our environment is (every day just watching the sun rise and set was breathtaking) it made me feel more closer to Him....plus it made me contemplate and reflect on where im at right now (feeling senti hehe)..but im still a bit confused--a tad empty..i know ill find it whatever or whoever it is--i just need to keep on looking but i feel a lot better than the previous weeks...

and lastly...

gotta start my ojt this tues...feeling a bit nervous and excited about it..feels like its a whole new word out there..hope i can get to work there when my training's over..wish me LUCK! HAVE A GREAT WEEK! =p

happy..

2005-03-11T15:05:00.000+08:00

"im feeling so happy..i wanna be happy..cant you see im happy now"-squareheads

happiness..some say its man's ultimate goal in life..some say its life's ultimate purpose..all of us want it..some go through their entire lifetime looking for it, others spend a lot of money thinking that they can have it..but when can you really say that your happy?? when youre with your family or friends?? or perhaps when you have everything you want?? or maybe when youre at peace with yourself?? we have many perceptions of happiness..we can have everything but still we might say that were not happy..or vice versa..in a country that is not doing good financially and with the current ranking in corruption we still somehow managed to rank as one of the happiest and satisfied people in the world..hmm..must be because of our "happy go lucky" attitude..

read an article in TIME about this and how psychologists are thinking of ways to make people happy..heres some of the suggestions that were listed..

8 steps toward a more satisfying life

1.count your blessings

2.practice acts of kindness
-these should be random or systematic. being kind to others triggers a cascade of postive effects->makes you feel generous and capable, gives you a greater sense of connection with others and wins you smiles, approval and reciprocated kindness--all happiness boosters

3.savor life's joys
-pay close attention to momentary pleasures and wonders

4.thank a mentor
-if theres someone whom you owe a debt of gratitude for guiding you at one of lifes crossroads,dont wait to express your appreciation-in detail and if possible, in person (with this i would like to thank Mr.Kong for making me finally see not the bars BUT the stars--naks..parang pang awards ah hehe)

5.learn to forgive
-forgiving bolsters positive feelings about your past and gives you peace of mind

6.invest time and energy in friends and family

7.take care of your body

8.develop strategies for coping with stress and hardships
-religious faith has been shown to help people cope, but so do secular beliefs enshrined in axioms like "this shall pass" and "that which doesnt kill me makes me stronger"..the trick is that you have to believe them (LALAKAS! GAGALING! =p)

_______________________________________________________

speaking of happiness...*rant mode on* have you ever felt somewhat empty?? that you dont know why or what youre lacking?? waking up in the morning, and feeling that theres something missing and you dont know what it is?? ...sanamagan*rant mode off*

oh btw..congrats to those who will finally graduate this march..and goodluck to everyone whos having their finals...LUCK! =)

wishful thinking...

2005-02-27T01:08:00.000+08:00

"have you ever wanted something so bad that you can almost taste it?"

what do you call it?? mild obsession?? a severe case of wanting perhaps?? acute longing?? the thing that drives us should i say a bit crazy with just a glance of what we want.. that everytime we see it or in a case of a person--him/her, our heart skips a beat or the entire world stops for a second..

but no matter how bad we wanted it,no matter how hard we try, we just cant have it..that theres always something in the end that spoils it all..that some things are just almost impossible for us to attain.. yeah, i know- you guys might say that nothings impossible..but c'mon sometimes we have to be realistic here.. some things are impossible..i guess you can see the character of a person on how he/she looks at these things..some people just wont give up, that they would do almost anything just to have that thing or that person..but let me ask you: when is enough?? when youve already given up your all?? when you have nothing left?? do you quit then?? or do you continue fighting?? i know some things are worth giving up your all (ie love etc)..but thats just not me..while some, like me, will only try up to a certain limit and if they cant have it..they will say that its not meant for them..you might call it a pessimist, personally i call it a "realist"..some, they just dream about it..or daydream..like "hey that would be nice" and it only takes 2 seconds before they will say "nah, its never gonna happen" or "in your dreams" and carry on with what theyre doing..just like that..wishful thinking as some might say..but i guess, thats how we humans were created..we are always never contented with what we have..always needing more..always wanting more..maybe its just a matter of being contented?? but hey..its free to dream right..so dream on =)

when was the last time you felt like that?? and what do you do?? ...and what do you call that feeling??

*all that craving,longing and wanting definitely has made me hungry..what i wont do for a bacon cheeseburger...=p

Singles top 10...

2005-02-12T12:46:00.000+08:00

well, i should write something about valentines day..i dont know why, but something in my mind tells me i should..i wish i could tell you the wonderful things that i have planned for that day, like a romantic date or something..but alas, i dont have any plans..

so i was reading the paper, getting some ideas on how to start this post..shucks even the broadsheets are getting into this thing..pages full of features about the perfect date etc..heck, even friendster has changed its layout for the season..man, maybe im just a bit upset..whiny all of a sudden..

i came across this article..its kinda funny..ive edited it a bit, put my insights in it too..so here it goes:

Are you spending valentines day alone?? sucks, doesnt it? but for some it really is no big deal-or so they pretend. once again the whole world has conspired to make you feel even by highlighting the fact that your gonna be quite lonely, especially this day when most of the people has plans for only just two..

alright, lets say youre one of these people who are absolutely affected when valentines day rolls by. to put it succintly, "do something". here is the top 10 things you can do:

1. take a cold, cold shower
-nothing beats a quiet moment when the ice cold shower is at full blast, masking the tears running down your cheeks. take a moment to reflect on all the sad relationships youve had as you assume the fetal position on the floor while sucking on your thumb.

2. write a letter to the government
-show your outrage at the many value added taxes being levied by the government on various consumer products. let it be known how you "really" feel about the illegal logging activities plaguing the country. address it to the president and dont forget to sign and seal your envelope with S.W.A.K(sealed with a kiss)

3. have chocolates and/or flowers delivered to yourself at the office or at home
-if no one does it for you, you have got to take charge. go to the nearest florist and arrange to send that loot to yourself. once youve written your "own name" as the recipient, finish it off with, "from you secret admirer xoxo"
for added effect, come in 10 minutes after the scheduled delivery so a secretary or co-worker signs for it. st back and enjoy the ego boost.

4. call up a radio dj
- "ikaw bay nalolongkot at walang makaosap" theres nothing like a good song to set the mood. calling a radio dj serves many purposes. one is you can request a song that will get you through the night and second, youre talking to someone who may just be equally pissed at having to work on valentines when he could be getting some instead. so, go forth and dial

5. go online
- a safe haven for anonymous people everywhere, the internet has made it easier to hook up with other singles in the area or across the world. and, oh yeah, you can finally live out those foul and sordid fantasies youve bottled up inside from years of being a prude. be carefel of the webcam though..

6 play video games
-heres a nice chance to catch up with all the video games youve neglected to play.

7. pig out
-lets face it if you cant share the day with someone, it will be all about "you". this is your oppurtunity for some "me" time. get food that will absolutely kill you in the evening. quail eggs, chicharon, burgers, mayonnaise and all the crazy stuff. have a diet coke in had because you wouldnt want to get fat, right??

8. clean your room
- now that you have nothing else to do,heres a chance to clean your room once in awhile.

9. read a book/ watch a movie
-fix yourself a glass of tea and curl up to a good book. you wont even notice time passing you by. or better yet have a movie marathon. if youre lucky, v-day would have come and gone like the fleeting prose of ernest hemmingway, before he blew his brains out. if you stil feel the blues, then go do #10

10. go out with friends/hang out with family
-of course nothing beats having some quality time with the people who loves you..you can call up some "single like you" friends and spending the day. together, you can make a perch atop the highest building and pelt the couples with pebbles on the sidewalk below

__________________________________________

so there, i wish everyone a Happy valentines day =) hope you have a wonderful day spending it with your love ones.. if youll excuse me, i have to go take a cold shower =P

just a thought/random question: what for you would be the perfect date ?? if you dont mind, please answer in detail..

how you doin..

2005-02-03T13:00:00.000+08:00

(from joey--FRIENDS)

its friday night, youre out with your tropa..then suddenly you notice a very stunning lady that had just entered the room..your head goes *BOING* and your heart goes *BOOM*.. instantly youre reduced to hapless whimp..it seems like your entire being is being ripped apart..a part of you tells you to go and introduce yourself to her--you might not know she can be the one etc etc, while as always theres the side thats telling you, you cant do it--that shes just too good for you..shes way outta your league..that youll only get rejected bigtime--yung term na "dinadaga"..and just when you have the courage to go and meet her, youre find yourself with a problem: how will i start a conversation?? how will introduce myself?? just how will i talk to her??

since we're in the topic of pickup lines (personally the term really sounds a bit off) i want to ask 2 questions:

1-for the gents--whats your best introductory line?? i mean c'mon im sure you always have one up your sleeve..the one that gets at least a smile or a positive reaction..or at least a 3 out of 10 batting average (which btw is not bad in terms of meeting a stranger, is it?? =)

2-for the ladies--whats the most funniest line that a guy used to start a conversation?? and please-- let us poor guys have an insight on the female psyche..its kinda hard to guess sometimes kasi..whats the best thing that a guy can do or say to meet you w/o getting slammed

the most funniest and the most used lines ive heard:

1) nice hair
2) your dad must be a terrorist coz youre the bomb
3) you must be really tired, coz youve been running on my mind whole day long..
4) do you believe in soulmates?
5) am i in heaven already, coz theres an angel RIGHT in front of me...

Ulan...

2005-01-15T16:24:00.000+08:00

break muna tayo sa mga medyo seryosong bagay..kaya ito munang isang kanta ang handog ko sa inyo..sana maibigan ninyo..

The ULAN song

naalala ko ang mga gabing magkatabi sa
Ulan! sinong di mababaliw
sa ulan, at sinong di mapapasayaw
kapag ummulan bumubuhos ang langit sa yong mga mata
kapag mayroong unos ay aagos ang luha
ngunit di ka nagiisa
kaibigan..

ambon lang yan...ahhh!
ambong lang yan....haaaah!

pumapatak na naman ang ulan sa bubong ng bahay
kaya buhos na ulan, mundoy ko lunurin tuluyan
tulad ng pagibig ko, dalangin ito ng puso ko
sumasamo
pagibig ko'y humahataw, damdamin ko humihiyaw
sa tuwa tuwing
umaaraw, umuulan
ang buhay ay sadyang ganyan
umaaraw, umuulan....

-guess ive been listening to the records a bit too long..that was the opm "chop-chop" version of the ulan song--try singing the song but still keep the original melodies of each lyric-- nakakaaliw..next time ill post the foreign version (yup i also have one)..it really shows my being too crazy towards the rainy weather, have no idea why i really like it though..funny coz when my friends heard this song they all said one thing: nakalimutan mo bang inumin ung gamot mo? hehe =)
btw good luck sa lahat ng may midterms...

everytime i see you...

2005-01-08T15:35:00.000+08:00

"my life turns upside down"-fra lippo lippi

why does this always happen? one day youre just minding your own business..then BAM! you bump into someone that was special before in your life and then WHAM! you notice that somehow you act a little different..that youve changed a bit..that even if you try not to, you just cant help it..you tend to pretend that youre doing better..tend to pretend that youre a-ok..even if you try your best to act normal--to act cool.. theres still always this extra thing that you cant help but keep on doing.. its like youve added a little bounce in your step , a little zest in everything that you do..is it because you're a bit excited that you saw that person after a long time..parang kahit papano kinikilig ka pa rin kumbaga.. i mean its just so funny, you dont see the person quite often and then when you finally see her/him--BOOM! theres this inexplicable feeling..you suddenly find yourself not knowing how to act around that person..even though you dont feel the same way than before, you still feel this warm fuzzy feeling.... that whatever you do to stop it, you cant..why?

its the season to be jolly...

2004-12-18T22:02:00.000+08:00

falalalala lala la...

yep, its the season once again..its the time when there is a certain chill in the air (makes you feel like youre in baguio or tagaytay), people are smiling even in the wee hours of the morning (which you dont see often), and the delicious smell of bibingka and puto bumbong (is it correct??)..yup, its really the season of giving..

havent you noticed that most tragedies always struck in december?? for the past couple of years, the year doesnt end without a bang (literally)---just an observation..and personally, i dont feel the season..the excitement and the jolliness that i have when i was young has faded..before i used to be ecstatic when december arrives..but for the couple of years now, i only feel it when its the eve or on the day itself..maybe ive gone far too cold--but hey its just me..

but even though im not that excited anymore.. im still grateful--you see this the time of the year that i kinda look back..sorta like a personal year in review..the small milestones that ive accomplished and stuff..and the blessings that i had..basically to be thankful that i lived for another year... id also like to thank you guys for being there for me...thanks =P

so there you go, i wish all of you guys a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR! hope your Christmas vacation will all be memorable and cool... have a blast! enjoy! watch out for your fingers...

btw: regalo ko ha....just kiddin =) see ya next year...

a real bummer..

2004-12-02T11:15:00.000+08:00

have you watched the news lately..or perhaps read the paper..damn, its too depressing.. with a body count of like what 400+, not to mention countless people missing and injured..you might think that its just a bad dream...i was watching the news last night and they showed several stories about the people who unfortunately drowned..and there was this one story that really hit me..the guy lost all of his family in the flood-- pano kaya un?? i cant even imagine the pain of losing someone let alone all of your love ones in a single moment..and to think that christmas is just around the corner...what a tragedy..

and to those areas that were greatly affected..some people just WONT learn..what happened in the past..in ormoc and in rizal..the landslides, the flashfloods--all beacuse of illegal logging..when will they realize that its way too wrong? pag patay na sila?? pag yung mga kamag anak na nila ung nasalanta dahil sa mga pinagagawa nila??

at least in every grim moment, theres always a shimmer of hope and courage..bow ako dun sa doctor at taxi driver who risked their lives to save a drowning person..personally, i dont even know if i can do the same thing when put in that situation..siguro it will really take a lot out of me..guts and all

and just when you think its all over..another one looms..bigger than the last..much more stronger..biro mo as big as luzon and they say it might be as big as this country ..i know its totally impossible but i really pray that its less deadly and less destructive..

you might be wondering why a post like this...honestly i dont know..being stuck in the house certainly makes you think a lot of crazy things..maybe because of the cold wind..or perhaps because of the rain..

i always wanted a rainy weather...but not like this..never like this..

igno sa makati..

2004-11-25T23:09:00.000+08:00

yup, went to makati today to apply for ojt..and it was so wacky..went with my friend jose (ayan bro..special mention) and as expected we were as my tropa calls it--na "igno"..igno meaning ignorant or as the joke of the kada-- "na ignorance".. alam naman namin kahit papano ang makati..kaya lang usually the shops, the bars and the tambayans lang..so ayun, when it comes to office buildings eh, bokya hehe..

so we went there mga after lunch na..inuna namin ung rcbc plaza kasi yun lang yung alam namin..i dont know why but it seems that i really want to work in a bank..we entered the building and just like kids on a field trip.. entering a toy store or a zoo, we stood there in awe..nakakatawa talaga kasi makikita mo sa mga mukha namin na di talaga kami taga dun..halos para na kaming caveman na first time lang nakakita ng apoy..we tried to act normal..we tried to act cool pero ganun talaga.. we still have a lot to learn..alas wala ng slots so we went to the next building..

while walking along buendia..gumana na naman ang imahinasyon namin..we cant help but to imagine what we're gonna look like after we graduate..iba yung feeling when youre walking in a pedestrian lane with all those corporate people..mababaw lang siguro kami but it felt really good..i just cant wait to start..alam ko after ilang months of working, after feeling harrassed and exhausted, kakainin ko lahat ng mga sinabi ko..but im sure its gonna be all worth it.. but i still feel akward wearing semi formal though..

whatchamacallit??

2004-11-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

my friends and i had a conversation the other day..the usual "wala lang" usapan and we came across a very interesting subject..Fate or destiny-- whatever you call it..since most of them right now are single, we talked about how will you know if youve found the right one..a girl friend of mine said look for signs--stressing that some girls do that..one said, that it will take some time to really know it..another one said that its just pure magic.. a "spark" that will come out of nowhere, that it just happens.. which lead our little conversation to what happens in our lives in general (malabo talaga pag nagusap tong mga to =) ano ba ang buhay natin..ang lahat ba na nangyayari sa buhay natin eh planado ba?-- kumbaga nakatadhana? nakasulat sa ating mga palad,sa mga bituin o kung saan man? o di kaya tayo mismo ang gumagawa ng ating kapalaran sa pamamagitan ng ating mga desisyon at aksyon..or is it that some things are just purely coincidental--that some things happen maybe just by luck or chance? or is it a mixture of all of these elements...

what do you think?? =D

whats up?

2004-10-26T14:02:00.000+08:00

my life's kinda boring right now..nothing to write about really..for the past 3 weeks of my break all i did was eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat and then sleep partida na yan my body clock right now is an absolute mess--i always end up waking in the middle of the night, not just once but sometimes twice or even three times and finding it difficult to go back to sleep..i try to workout once in awhile (my moms been nagging me to get my tut-tut off the couch..thanks mom)..also im going to teach my older sister how to drive (after i really made sure that im insured and the car of course hehe) yup, my sister--who doesnt even know which pedal is for the gas and the brake.. i used to drive her and my nephews to school kasi..eh with changes in my class sched, hindi na pwede so yun.. i have to teach her, hope i have the patience and the sanity to make it through..

so what did you guys do on your break? hope its not as boring as mine..

last semester

yup after 4 1/2 years, its down to one last sem..weird because i never felt any degree of nervousness when enrollment time comes but it was different yesterday.. i had a sense of nostalgia-- mixed emotions..feeling excited coz finally its gonna be over..and at the same time sad and nervous..sad because im gonna say adios to my school..kahit papano, i had a lot of very funny memories..wacky stories na parang pang iskul bukol ang dating..a bit nervous because its gonna be a whole new world out there..the real one as they call it..theres this feeling of uncertainty, as to where im gonna land after i graduate...guess im gonna stick with my proven and years-old mantra--"bahala na si batman!"=)

kinda funny coz when i was a kid, i always complain of going to school, having to study etc..i remember that i keep saying that if i had my way..i wish i could work already so i dont have to study anymore..now that, that reality is just around the corner, i find myself not wanting to go to work na..parang kung pwede sa school na lang ako..

i also have this ojt--practicum needed for my course..havent really decided where to go yet..probably in a bank or something

so there you go, my lifes a bit dull as of the moment..hopefully things will pick up =P

a week to go..

2004-10-11T14:33:00.000+08:00

its been awhile since ive posted..after all the defenses and the papers, sa wakas natapos din..exam week na lang simula bukas hanggang sabado (anong ginagawa ko dito??-- dapat nagaaral ako=P)..tapos sembreak na! woohoo! goodluck sa lahat..

update: finally ive got a grade dun sa feasib study namin..and it was the highest, 'stig! biro mo folder with slide lang ang ginamit namin samantalang ung iba eh nagpabook bind pa at ibat ibang klase ng papel pa..pinagtatawanan ba naman kami before the submission; guess who had the last laugh =) never judge a book (in this case a feasib study) by its cover..3 more final exams to go and im a free man haha...for a couple of weeks at least

baka naman

theres this girl that i always see at church every sunday.. she's kinda cute (ok ok: shes stunning!) i know its kinda wrong but i must admit she has become one of the reasons why i hear mass in that particular church..its been almost 2 years now and still i dont have the guts to approach her..shes always with her family which makes it a bit difficult, and even if shes alone; i still dont think i can do it, torpe kasi eh..before its was kinda ok, yeah shes pretty and all but i just leave it like that--just another pretty face among the crowd.. but recently it got worse.. now im beginning to think about her kahit weekdays na..patay ang naglason.. i know most of us guys feel this way (maliban siguro si calculus kasi chickboy yan--mr suave hehe) the helpless feeling..that we really want to but we cant because of our "katorpehan".. coz we think about a lot of things--what if she doesnt like me? what if shes suplada? what if like this? what if like that? etc etc.. i find this song by stonefree that really fits the bill..the lyrics really hit me..so here it goes

di magawang
alisan ang aking mata
sa anghel na nakikita
iniibig na ba kita
oh ewan ko ba

di magawang
magtanong ng aking bibig
irog na dalaga
sino ka nga ba talaga
kasi,kasi
kasi

baka naman
may minamahal ka ng iba
iba naman ang iyong tinitignan
sige,sige
baka magsisi

umiiiwas
sa iyong mga tingin
tuwing ikay tumitingin
tuwing ikaw tumitingin din sa akin

nalilito
gustong ilabas, gusto rin namang
itago na lang
ngunit baka naman iyong pagtawanan lamang
kasi, kasi
kasi....

baka naman may boyfriend ka na
baka naman may mahal ng iba
baka naman duling ka lang
baka lang naman...

*(my apologies for the corniness/cheeziness...)

how do you "blog"?

2004-09-24T16:27:00.000+08:00

on blogging and other blogging related activities

since most people right now are into blogging (which i think btw is a very very efficient replacement for a diary/journal and a very good form of outlet)--ive been thinking: how do people blog? i mean not just about posting and all..my question is that--im sure just as every blogs template is different from one another..it follows that of course peoples habit of blogging is also different..

so what is your blog habit?

on posting....

how do you post??--how regularly do you post??--what are the subjects/things that you usually post about? me, for example: i try to post at least once a week or whenever my deranged mind comes up with a crazy idea or if something happened to me or to someone that really stands out or worth discussing..or whatevers my mood at the moment..

btw...how do you guys make a post?--do you make a draft out of your idea and then post..or simply just type away..like me, i admit; im not grammatically sound when it comes to english..so sometimes i usually edit my post like 2-3 times after posting it here, changing grammatical errors and all (being somewhat an OC freak haha)--but ill make an exception on this one--so, spare me ok =P

on bloghopping and comments....

i read a post by my friend chigo ('stig blog mo bro=) recently about bloghopping and i totally agree with what he said..reading blogs kinda makes you connnected with that person..it makes you get to know the person a bit better even though you dont see or be in each others company..bloghopping is really worth your time, you really can learn a thing or two....'stig ang bloghopping..

and for the comments...i find it cool making comments..espcially when you can really relate to the post..lalo na pag parang "i wish i had written that one" or "you really nailed it" that kinda thing..

so there...'la lang...just another one of those crazy ideas =)

.off-day...

2004-09-16T15:01:00.000+08:00

yup,its not my day today . aside from the impending defense (heaven help my group!), the upcoming finals, and a car accident earlier this morning (thank god im ok- but my parents are gonna kill me..not my fault though); things are really going a-ok for me [ yeah i wish!=( ] Man, i dont want to sound pessimistic and whine about it but i really feel that it im really really unlucky right now. today wasnt filled with the same minor problems that you encounter each day. its more like BAM! BAM! BAM!.. you havent solved your current problem, next thing you know, the next problem is thrown right at you--and not just at you but right smack into your face, not even giving you a chance to stand up..and im not taking about the easy ones, im talking about damn hard ones..sorta like dilemmas that keeps on piling up and your buried underneath..

Today was really different..felt like the "higher-ups" are really against me. No, the "gods" are not just frowning at me; they are fuming really mad-- the throwing fireballs and lightnings kinda mad..Right now i really want to be angry at whoever is in charge right now of faith/destiny or whatever you call it.. I wanted to ask "why do these things happen to me"(WHY!?), but right now im really drained to even think about it..i shoulda stayed under a rock or something if knew it would be like this..if knew that this would happen..

since most of us have encountered this: i bet all of us had an off day once or a couple of times before in our lives--ill ask a question:

"what do you do/think/say when you have an off day?"

=> got something in mind to write today but as to what just happened ..ill save it for my next post =P

i guess it was my turn to have an off day...malas lang

catch-22

2004-09-07T17:12:00.000+08:00

as much as my minds been kinda blank these past few weeks..suddenly i find myself thinking awfully a lot these past days..thinking about where i am in my life right now..you know doing sorta like a systems check.. i guess its the time of year aside from new year when we look back at our lives and ponder about whats gonna happen ahead...yep, its gonna be my birthday=P

man, im turning 22..but why do i still have a mind of a 5 YEAR OLD... aargh! i dont wanna go old!!..kidding aside, i don't think ive changed a bit..although these past couple of days im starting to scare myself by thinking way ahead.. im starting to worry where i will be 3-4 years from now; what my life will be down the road; starting here til i reach the big 3-0(yikes!)..the questions keeps piling up like "what will i do after college", "will i be able to quickly land a job after i graduate and if i did what would it be?"..."will i be married? will i have kids?" stuff like that..

where do you think youll be 3-4 years from now?? what are the things you want to do or accomplish before you reach 30?

scared as hell...

ive also realized that the real/business world can really be scary. of course i already knew that from the stories and the experiences ive heard from other people back then, but i really never have thought about it,thinking that it will take a long time before i get there..and now that im on the edge, it feels like jumping from a very high place and you dont know where you'll land-- it really scares the hell out of me..after i graduate, it would be a whole new world out there; that the once comfortable feeling that i have in college will disappear,that my once reliable and dependable safety net will be gone for good.. but just as how scared i am, my excitement equals it..i cant wait to get out there and show them what ive got; what im made of..especially to those who doubted in me, to those who thought i can never make it..

in conclusion

after all the thinking and the flashbacks (sounds like a movie) ive realized something; that my whole life has always been a big catch-22 (pasok ba?? hehe) seriously though that no matter how perfect or ok i thought everything would be, something always pops out and ruin it..that i always encounter a situation that will make whatever i want impossible..that when i really really like something/someone, theres always like this huge problem---like a big obstacle before it.. in short, it never was a smooth sailing for me (arent we all??)..im not whining, na realize ko lang (ang slow ko talaga)..yeah i know, that the problems will make the person/thing that i wanted much more worth it, that thats whats makes life so beautiful..but then again hey its just me kaya anlabo..malabo talaga ako =)

help??

btw does anyone know blog html?? coz i kinda have a prob here...my sidebar page seems to be too far down, tried a lot of stuff but to no avail..kindly appreciate your help..

still blank...

2004-08-31T20:58:00.000+08:00

first of all, i want to say sorry...but my minds still kinda blank (must be because of the recent exams---nagamit ata ng husto hehe) i have nothing to write about at this time..my lifes kinda boring right now and i guess it will be a lot more boring in the following weeks..with all the papers, defenses and the crazy school stuff..i mean its like my mind had stopped coming out with any ideas..i mean i get ideas but nothing really stands out..like nothing really sticks to my mind right now,not a thing worth writing about..feels like im a breathing, walking and talking zombie..dead serious most of the time, find myself staring into thin air, hopefully ill not go crazy=).... so there, i guess ill be like this for the following weeks..heaven help me...hopefully something will help jumpstart my brain again

random thoughts..

im trying to recall what i was thinking about the last few days..scattered ideas..well, the olympic games over-- too bad i wasnt able to catch svetlana khorkina in artistic gymnastics..ive waited for 4 years just to see her perform again, had a crush on her back then when she competed in sydney..i spent a lot of sleepness nights the past week watching the games just to catch her but i missed it..but hey i saw guo jingjing and i can say she can be an actress...wow- an athlete whos got the looks--now that was a sight..tough luck for our athletes though for not winning anything..from our boxers who were billed to bring a medal to our jins who fought gallantly despite the injuries..my hats off to these people and hopefully we'll finally be able to win the elusive gold in beijing..they did our country proud..mabuhay ang athletang pinoy!!!

aside from the olympics...my thoughts about the economic report that was published by the people from UP...its really kinda scary to think that our economy in about 3-5 years time will be like argentina's if our government doesnt act now---and yet argentina won 2 gold medals in athens; from basketball and soccer (now i find myself sourgraping haha--some people have all the luck=p--makes you wonder..which do you prefer: our economy or their gold medals--but i guess its a no brainer..just like me hehe)..and the various reactions that followed by both private and public sectors...both the administration and the opposition..i mean who will you believe?? hopefully it wont happen, that we can still avert the impending ( as they call it) economic disaster..and lastly theres a lot of crazy stuff that i kinda forgot or I just cant say here, you might say wishful thinking-a lot of what ifs...

2004-08-18T19:52:00.000+08:00

kuya paulo (siopao pao)...the 75 year old kid =)

the kid who thinks like a grown up...

2004-08-18T19:50:00.001+08:00

as promised..im gonna tell you about luis' kuya: paulo...4 years old.. pero kung gano kakulit ung kapatid nya..this kid is dead serious..may pagka worry wort ba (note on the letters kasi paminsan talagang sobra)..he thinks like a grown up period (and an annoying one at that) ..sobrang seryoso.. alhtough he likes to play like any kid, wag mo lang sya kakausapin about grown up things kasi you'll just end up being kinda annoyed or tired to answer to being stumped.. napaka pilosopo nitong batang to..hes gonna use your previous statements to catch you offguard.. i remember one day he starts to ask questions about my grandparents..of course i told them that they passed away na, tapos yun; next thing i knew, he was asking questions na why did they die?? why do people die etc etc...the whole day he was kinda worrying about it, he's way thinking ahead...eh..for a four year old he has a lot of ideas...you'll get amused on how this kid thinks and youll laugh because he takes things literally..pag pinagsama mo sila ng brother nya, its like trying to mix oil and water..you get loads of fun and tons of laughter...talagang exact oppposites =) so there you go thats the reason why i dont need pets anymore; coz i have 2 already hehe..but seriously they are my laughter and my joy...sometimes i think i treat them as if they were my own na nga eh..pero of course im not ready for fatherhood, still got a long long way...lots to learn and to achieve before i can say that im ready (yeah as if that will ever happen) =P

numb...

its been a more than a week..time seems to go by so fast and yet so slow...man, blangko pa rin ata utak ko at ang labo ko =) seriously though, fast because i didnt noticed that a week has passed na since that day and at the same time its slow because i still cant figure this out..still cant get her out of my system..time heals all wounds as my friend said...so i guess i have to wait.. i would really like to thank all of you guys for being there for me ( andrama ko! hehe) thanks talaga..im a bit ok na..kinda feeling numb now..my minds still blank..wala nga ako masulat..kung sabagay, theres nothing to write about naman eh..im stuck dito sa bahay for the entire week...midterm week kasi eh, eh departmentals ngayon--papasok ka lang pag may exam; next week pa lahat ng exams ko--non-department lahat ng subjects ko for this term...hmmm..what will i do for the rest of the week aside from studying ( naks...parang totoo ah=p) i have to get really busy para di ako makapagisip and hopefully i get over this mental block...still goodluck sa lahat ng may pagsusulit....

what is this??

2004-08-10T15:19:00.000+08:00

not feeling well today, physically im fine; its whats inside that feels awful..kinda felt depressed today..ganito pala yun; i think..never felt like this before..sad and down yeah a couple of times pero not as worse as this..its like im emotionally drained..my minds kinda blank, i cant think clearly like its all jumbled up..feels like im falling asleep but the difference is that im wide awake..man, it hurts pala talaga when you love someone that you cant have..frankly, i was expecting this, and i felt i was prepared for this..i thought hey if it happens i can move on--that its ok,that nothing happened..pero the pain or disappointment sets in na and now im a wreck inside..i loved that person for so long that i cant bear seeing her now, i cant let her see me this way ( this is when phil collins "take a look at me now" or mas astig ung stonefree's "listen" comes in=p)..mixed emotions,my mind's really confused..im happy that i can now move on, after so many years of loving that person plus its a new experience,biro mo this is the first time i felt depressed--but at the same time it hurts letting someone go..sorry for the mood...believe me i dont want to whine and all...not really my thing..but i just cant help it,i need an outlet..hope ill get over this feeling soon, i really do...anyway my midterm exams are just around the corner...so wish me luck guys...goodluck too on your exams..

2004-08-02T14:46:00.000+08:00

my go-ge-go nephew..luis =)

go-ge-go

2004-08-02T14:37:00.000+08:00

well , as you see in the pic above...ive got a nephew ( man, ang tanda ko na hehe=p) his name is raphael luis..but i call him luis, 3 years old..dont let this innocent face fool you..this kid is the most pinaka makulit na bata ive ever seen (most na pinaka pa) .. sobrang sutil niya..he'll do exactly the opposite of what you tell him pag sinumpong or as we say sa bahay pag tinamaan which is quite often lalo na pag nangigil, run for cover coz hes gonna hit you..pero its hard to stay mad at him coz he makes people laugh with his thinking(sabi ko sa iyo ang lakas ng tama nito) and with a cute face to boot...plus this kid can sing..not just your basic nusery rhymes pero ung mga tipong top 40..mostly mga alternative,rock and rap(of course not the swearing ones; parental guidance is still enforced..explicit lyrics are not allowed hehe=P)...there was this one time i was listening to a cd and he suddenly sang..and it surprised me kasi linkin park ung cd and breaking the habit ung song which is his all time fave..he was headbanging with the shouting vocals stuff..he knows the almost the whole song..and not just LP pero kahit anong song, make him listen to a song like 3-5 times or once a day and after a week..he'll sing the chorus na with matching headbang or if the song is slow; facial expressions and hand gestures.. i think we share the same taste of music (rocker ata to when he grows up)

the term...

plus he's always making up words...kinda mumbling around. he's got this fave word "go-ge-go" which we think serves as double word for him..kinda his term of endearment..like he only calls you that when he likes you..for example "ninong go-ge-go" as what he calls me..but at the same time its his term for funniness or craziness, that when you do some funny stuff he'll say it to you too and laugh hard at the same time and when you tell him hes go-ge-go and hes not in the mood..run for cover..pero kidding aside, he and his kuya are one of the reasons why i get by everyday...i mean these 2 really brigthens up my day, makes me laugh when im down and stuff..kinda makes me feel that childhood innocence feeling again, making me wish that im a kid again (the time when you have less problems and more fun that kinda stuff).. i think they're right when they said that kids are a bundle of joy coz these two really are..ill tell you guys about his kuya, paulo next time..

stonefree and the traffic

2004-07-24T10:34:00.000+08:00

man, the things you would do for a cd.. went to anonas last night for the album launching of stonefree, one of my faves ( thanks sarah for the info) it was kinda a last minute decision to go, coz everyone was telling me that it was hell on the road...super traffic..but the craziness and my pagiging matigas ang ulo got the best of me, plus ihahatid ko pa ung mga tropa ko (nagdahilan pa).. kaya yun, i found myself on the road mga around 9:30..it took us 3 hours just to reach anonas..super traffic..daming na stranded and madaming nasiraan na sasakyan. buti na lang may kasama ako, at kahit papano di nakakabato ung byahe (thanks guys)..finally,i didnt even had the chance to go down and see the place because of the traffic..sayang, mukhang masaya daw sabi ng tropa who went down and bought the cd..the whole trip was like 5 hours..super traffic..BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT...cant wait for their full album to come out..rock on guys! 'STIG!

just a thought...

2004-07-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

i was looking at some old files sa pc na pwede ko nang idelete and i came across with this one. it was supposed to be a book but i didnt have the time to finish it.. wala lang, summary ng mga naiisip ko pag wala akong maisip which is quite often=) basta this is one of the topics that came across my mind...marami pa akong unfinished files/thoughts ..wala lang, just want to share this one..nag feeling na naman na may alam=p..any comments and violent reactions regarding this article, please feel free to post or tag..

Death. The word that makes some people shiver with fear. The words that some people don’t want to discuss about let alone hear it. Why are people afraid of it? Death as they say is viewed as a transition phase. From the living to the afterlife or so they say. But the one thing that always bothers me is not death itself but the thought of where do we go when we die. The question of what will happen to us after we die. That thought makes me insecure and I believe that’s the reason why I’m afraid to die. Yet seeing that there are a lot of explanations and beliefs about what will happen only makes me wonder more. Which of these explanations is the right one?

I Christian Belief / Muslim Belief

       First of all, there is the Christian Belief. That states that after we die, we go to either hell or heaven. That where our souls will go will depend on how we lived here on earth. That if we’re good, then we go to heaven and be with God. And if not, we go to hell and suffer eternal damnation and pain. But there are people who were on the brink of dying or were declared clinically dead and yet they survive. Usually their stories tells us that they saw a white light at the end of a tunnel and yet they feel like they are attracted to it, they turned away from it, thus explaining how they survived or went into their conscious state. Or hearing a voice telling them that its not yet their time to die thus returning.

       The Muslim part is that they when they die and if they do the will of Allah, then they will be with him in paradise. It’s the same as the Christian belief.

II . Re incarnation

        Some religion like Hinduism and Buddhism believes that after we die, we are reincarnated or born again. The body that we will be born in depends if we lived a good past life or not. If we don’t live a good life then we become a lower life form like an insect or an animal. If we live good enough then we still are born as humans. But the process of death wouldn’t allow us to remember who we were during our past life. That it erases all the memories of out past lives. Imagine the trouble if death doesn’t cause that. Then we could remember all the pain and suffering that we experienced when we were living. In case of murders or so then will seek revenge thus resulting in chaos. Although there are some instances when we feel like we’ve experienced something similar before. Like we are living into some kind of a replay of an event. But we cant remember that much, we feel like we saw a place before although we haven’t been there or an event or situation that we were in. Although we cant remember exactly, we feel that we were really there, like de ja vu. My guess is that maybe we’ve been really there before that our memory of that place is so strong that even death wasn’t able to erase it. That it was strongly imprinted on our memories.

III Nature state

     Maybe when we die our life form will be dissipated. That our life form or soul will be divided into smaller pieces like atoms or molecules. That we will go back to nature and be something like a part of a plant, an animal or even the air. That maybe, we are the sum of all the life form that was formed when we were born. From the life form of the animals and nature itself. And when we die our life form will transfer to another maybe as a whole or in pieces. Thus having uniqueness.

IV. Black and Blank State

     The one state that I’m really afraid about, hope it’s not true. The black and blank state as I call it is that when we die, it’s the end. It’s like we close the television screen. Full darkness. Its like we go to a very deep sleep. That’s it we are asleep forever. The end. Kaput. That time passes and we are not aware of it forever. The other worse part is that we are asleep; the only difference is that we can't feel the other parts of the body, that we can’t talk nor move. It’s like your consciously awake but we can’t do anything. We can hear or cannot hear the things around us. Complete silence, For eternity. That’s real scary.

     What if what will happen to us when we die is based on our beliefs. That when we believe in heaven, then if we’re good enough, then heaven it is. Or if we believe in other ways, then the result will be that of what we believe in. It’s in the way we view things so to speak, that we’re going to experience..
   There are a lot of other explanations or beliefs about where we go when we die. But we must also realize that we must not worry about it too much that we compromise the way we live. All we could do is be ready for it, that it will come period. And that we must live our lives to the fullest, enjoy life, live! As the saying goes it is not how you die but is how you live. And besides nobody has risen from the dead to tell us about what really happened. So I guess we will have to figure it out and experience it by ourselves.

finally!

2004-07-20T23:56:00.000+08:00

at last my pc's fixed..after 4 long and grueling weeks without it, its so nice to have it back..it was a kinda cool experience..at first i thought ill die not being able to go online being a web freak and all but somehow i found new stuff to do..without my pc at first i thought that im missing something, that my day wasnt complete without me going online but after the long break i think i got debug by the pc worm hehe=) guess im not a pc nor a web addict anymore..nevertheless, its nice to be back..

well, the past month was kinda normal..a lil bit of party here and there (house party) a gimick here and there(ie magics mumbo jumbo,malling)..school stuff which is kinda getting harder as the semester progresses..basically thats it..btw i still have some pics from baguio that ill post once i get them scanned..

trip ng tropa

2004-06-21T14:34:00.000+08:00

well, what can i say: it was fun..it was really worth it..we were lucky that it wasnt raining hard up there..'stig pala ung SM doon.. its really better than the malls we have here..we did really nothing there; aside from going to the market to buy pasalubongs, we entirely spend the whole weekend sa unit..just chillin and relaxin.. spend the nights playing scrabble and pictionary, syempre di mawawala ung drinking..it was great being with these guys..

2004-06-21T14:26:00.000+08:00

on the road...and the homeboyz: jm, jamil,ed,kim and me..

2004-06-21T14:25:00.000+08:00

mga bagong gising: kim,ed and me..

school..

2004-06-17T12:50:00.000+08:00

as expected school started just this morning..partida pa yon monday pa yung start ng classes..as always they started late na, but hey im not complaining..still some of my profs didnt show up,next week na siguro..kinda funny when i look at some of the freshmen, some of them looks excited and some of them looks childish..i asked myself "ganyan din ba ako dati?" and frankly now matter how hard i tried to look and act cool back then, i guess i was just like those guys.

last vacation

well, im going to baguio tomorrow and will spend the weekend there..kinda like a last vacation with my tropa before schoolwork starts next week.. we've been planning this like for the entire summer and it always ends up being delayed..with basketball tourneys or family outings and stuff.. at last, we're going..kinda miss baguio..its been 4 years now since ive been there..just want to sit back and relax,have a change of scenery..ill post some pics when i get back..

and finally

DETROIT WON! what can i say, but woohooo!=) thats right,score one for the eastern conference...as much as ive wanted the finals to end.. im a bit sad knowing that ill have to wait like 3 months again before the next season starts..hope by then my nets will get a great player hopefully a shooter and improve..

to start...(again?!)

2004-06-13T18:54:00.000+08:00

well, ive deleted my shall we say "still new blog"..well its just exactly 5 days old and created a new one..what am i still thinking, i mean still creating one.. i still somehow find it quite not like me.coz i find my life's a lil bit boring to put anything about it on the web..but hey at least i could put this in the "one of the craziest things ive done" list=)..anyway, still trying to improve things around here; learning a little HTML along the way..

Detroit What!

watched game 3 on replay last friday..and all i can say is FEAR THE FRO! the game was not really fun to watch as opposed to game 2..but hey detriot won so no worries..as much as i pity malone to finally win a championship, i still want detriot to win so that those who say that the eastern conference should be scrapped will shut up..

school starts tom..

school starts tomorrow, but i wont go yet..yes, im still feeling a bit lazy..and besides i bet that NO prof will show up tomorrow.. ill probably go on thursday..

profile=(..

man, i cant edit my goofy profile..wish the guys at blogger will fix the problem asap..

and finally

guess you wonder; why the blue room..well its kinda corny..as youve guessed it: my room is blue..but as most of us are, we spend a lot of our time in our rooms..to rest, to do some school stuff, to think about almost anything,to hang around or just like me...just a place where i can be alone, sorta like a haven..